


What would I do without you

by ashandkriegs



Category: Krashlyn - Fandom, Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-05-26 14:11:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6242476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashandkriegs/pseuds/ashandkriegs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Small Krashlyn ficlet about how Ash experienced Ali’s ACL tear that turned into a multi-chapter story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a one-shot, but people on Tumblr seemed to like it, so I'm keeping this going. Chapters are gonna be short and I can never tell when I'm gonna update, so just take this as it is. ;)

The scream. It's all she hears, even in the crowded bar she's watching the game at. Half of the people aren't even paying attention to the game and just keep on talking, drinking, and laughing. A dead silence has fallen over the other half.

She watches the replay, sees a right knee being struck from the outside, bending awkwardly. She sees Pia on the screen, watching the replay that's being played in the stadium, wincing, burying her face in her hands.

 _She's seen this dozens of times._ It shoots through Ashlyn's mind. A player screaming, cursing, banging her fist into the ground in pain, both physical and emotional. Every professional athlete is afraid of this, this injury that has the potential of ending it all. Pia knows it when she sees it.

It's not a good sign that Boxxy is staying with her. She might always check on injured teammates, but she only stays for the very worst.

Then she dares to look at the injured player's face for the first time. Ali. Her Ali. _Not anymore_ , she mentally corrects herself. Of course Ashlyn had known it was her, but looking at her like this is what makes it real. She sees Ali clutch that spot right below the kneecap with both her hands, the closest spot to the ACL one can reach from the outside. She's not a lip reader, but still clearly manages to catch the "fuck" coming from Ali's lips over and over again. Boxxy is still right beside her when the stretcher is brought onto the field.

Ashlyn realizes she's not in her spot beside her teammates anymore. She's standing right in front of the screen, hands clasped above her head. She feels someone squeeze her shoulder and turns around. It's Gina, who knows Ali from their time together in Frankfurt and offers a still frozen-on-the-spot Ashlyn a sympathetic nod, full-well knowing there's nothing she could say that would help in this situation.

Ashlyn turns back to the screen, watching as trainers and medical staff run every possible test in the book. Pivot-shift, drawer... Ali winces each time her leg is moved. Nobody knows the protocol better than Ash herself and the memory of the pain makes her knees give in slightly, the emotions of her two ACL tears rushing back.

_She's alone. Why is she alone? Why is nobody there with her? She shouldn't be alone._

Her thoughts are interrupted by Whit stepping in front of her. "What do you wanna do, Ash?"

Ash closes her mouth, swallowing hard. "I need... I need to go to Vancouver."

Whit wants to talk some sense into her best friend, tell her to at least wait for a preliminary diagnosis or until Ali gets back, but she knows better. Once Ash has made up her mind, there's no changing it anyway.

So she takes a deep breath, pats the goalkeeper's shoulder and says, "Come on, I'll drive you back to your place, you need to start packing."


	2. Chapter 2

Ashlyn arrives in Vancouver roughly 14 hours later, having gotten not a single second of sleep during her flight. As soon as she switches her phone back on, it starts buzzing from the several messages she got.

Abby: I know you watched the game, Ali's scheduled for an MRI tomorrow, we'll know more then. Here if you need to talk.

HAO: Dude, call me when you get this. Kriegs is injured and it doesn't look good.

Whit: Text me when you land.

Overwhelmed by her teammates thinking of her, even though it was Ali who was injured, she checks the rest of the messages.

Kyle Krieger: ASH! I'M FREAKING OUT HERE!!!! DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

Kyle Krieger: Mom and Dad just called, they're on their way to Vanc. already. I'm stuck in L.A. Apparently, Alex is on crutches and they won't do any further tests until tomorrow morning.

Ashlyn looks at her watch, then back at her phone's screen. It was 'tomorrow morning' already. She mentally pats herself on the back for not taking more than her carry-on luggage as she dashes out of the airport's doors. Just then, her phone buzzes again. And again.

Whipping the tiny device out of her pocket, she sees who's calling her and almost forgets to breathe.

_Incoming call..._

_Alex_

She swallows hard before picking up, wondering for a second why she never changed Ali's name back to something less... intimate. "H...H-ello?" she barely manages to get out.

"Ashlyn?"

It takes her a second to match the voice to someone she knows. "Oh, uh, Deb?"

"Yeah, it's me. Listen, Ashlyn..." Debbie starts, not sure how to talk to her daughter's ex-girlfriend. "I... I really don't... I mean, did you watch the game last night?"

Ash sighs. "Yeah, of course I did. I mean, until about the 43rd minute. Looked horrible."

"It feels odd for me to even be asking you this, and Alex would probably kill me if she knew, but... She's not doing too great, Ashlyn, and she keeps talking about how this could be the end of her career. Now, Ken and I spent the last couple of hours trying to convince her that it doesn't have to be, but she keeps telling us that we don't know what we're talking about, and, well, I'm afraid she's right. Neither of us really knows what she's going through and, to be honest, you're the only person we know who does. And I don't know what happened between you two, but I do know you still care a great deal about each other. So I suppose I'm asking... I mean, do you think you could maybe meet us in Virginia..."

"Deb..." Ash interjects. "I'm in Vancouver, my flight got in about 15 minutes ago. Which hospital are you at? I'll grab a cab."

"St. Paul's. It's about 30-35 minutes from the airport."

Ashlyn jumps into the first cab she can find and offers the cabbie a generous tip in case he made it to the hospital in less than 30 minutes.

20 minutes later, she's standing in front of the hospital, her heart pounding in her chest. She takes a deep breath, pushes her own feelings about hospitals aside and walks up to the reception desk.

"Hi, how may I help you?" the receptionist asks, looking up at the goalkeeper.

"Yeah, hi, umm... I'm looking for Alexandra Krieger."

The dark-haired woman raises an eyebrow. "Are you related to her?"

Taken aback by the question, Ash wonders for a second if she could get away with a lie, but decides against it. "Uhh, no. I, I mean, her parents..."

Thankfully, a booming voice interrupts the uncomfortable conversation. "Ashlyn!"

Turning around, she sees Ken Krieger walking towards her with open arms before engulfing her in a tight hug. Ash is surprised, seeing as how the Ken Krieger she knows never voluntarily hugs anybody besides his children, but she attributes it to the extraordinary circumstances. They walk toward the back of the building in silence and take the elevator to the second floor.

"Did you even tell her I was coming?"

Ken scratches the back of his head. "Well, we would have... if she was talking to either one of us."

"Excellent. She's gonna throw stuff at me, isn't she?"

Ken nods, playing a hand on Ashlyn's shoulder. "She might... Still, thanks for doing this."

They reach the door of Ali's room and Ash quickly hugs Debbie, who is listening intently to a doctor.

"...found tears of the anterior cruciate ligament, the medial collateral ligament and the lateral meniscus."

While Debbie and Ken start asking questions, Ashlyn plops down onto the bench, feeling sick to her stomach. _The unhappy triad_. ACL, MCL, meniscus.

"So how long is she gonna be out for?" she hears Ken ask the doctors.

Absent-mindedly, she answers the question. "If all goes well, she'll be back just after London."

The doctor nods. "Yes, the rough estimate for this kind of injury in a professional athlete is about 8 months."

Ashlyn remembers the doctors talking to her after her second ACL tear.

" _If you're lucky, you'll be back in 8 months."_

_"And if I'm not? If something goes wrong in surgery? If there's more damage than you're seeing right now?"_

_"You might never play again."_

She shudders at the thought of Ali's career being cut short by a desperate Dominican player in a qualifying game. It was hard to hear when it was her own career on the line, but it was a college career, a junior national team career. Not an international one. Not a superstar like Ali with the potential to influence the way the right back position is going to be played for the next 10 years. _Ali has so much more to give to this game._

Wiping her damp eyes with the sleeves of her shirt, Ashlyn looks back and forth between Ken and Deb. "Think I can go in there?"

They both nod in agreement and Ashlyn knocks on the door softly before opening it.


	3. Chapter 3

The drapes were shut, the room darker than its colors would suggest.

Ashlyn looked at the bed and saw nothing but the back of a dark-haired head and a knee brace sticking out from under the covers. She took a few tentative steps closer, hands buried in her pockets, and cleared her throat.

"Alex."

Ali's head whipped around, her face displaying a mix of confusion, anger and relief.

"Ashlyn." She stated, her voice barely more than a whisper. "What...?"

Sensing she didn't want to answer the question Ali was trying to form, Ashlyn started ranting. "Look, if you want me to go, I'll go. I just needed to see you. I saw you go down and all I could think about was how I could get here as fast as possible. And I realize I might not be the person you wanna see right now and based on what your parents told me, you don't wanna see anybody right now, but I've done this before. I've been through this. I know the pain. I know what it's like. And you're gonna come back from this, I just know it. You have to. You're Ali fucking Krieger and you told me once that 'Krieger' means 'warrior', so you better fight like one. And that's really all I wanted to say and if you wanna yell at me now or have security throw me out, that's fine. I just needed you to hear that."

Ali stayed silent and just turned her head back to the window. Ash sighed, her head dropping in defeat. She turned around to leave, but just as she'd taken the first step toward the door, she heard a soft, cracking voice ask: "D'you wanna stay?"

Ash smiled at the phrasing. Of course, proud Ali would never admit that she's so broken she needed another human being there with her. Instead, she asked, leaving the main responsibility on somebody else's shoulders.

"Sure." Ash replied and sat down on the chair between the bed and the window, spending the next few minutes in uncomfortable silence.

"Sooo..." she started, looking at the beautiful brunette she once got to call her girlfriend. "Do you wanna talk?"

"Not really, no." Ali answered, barely shifting her gaze away from the window.

"Okay..." Ash says and leans back in the chair. "Well when you do... _if_ you do... I'm here."

Roughly half an hour later, when Ash had just decided to close her eyes for a moment, she heard Ali readjust in her bed and speak up. "When's it gonna stop hurting?"

Ash kept her eyes closed. "Physically or emotionally?"

"Both."

Ashlyn opened her eyes again and leaned forward, making eye contact with Ali.

"Well... Physically, it'll get better the next couple of days. Then you'll have surgery and when you wake up, it'll hurt like hell. Then it'll get better again and that's when you start rehabbing it, which is gonna hurt some more. And then one day the pain will just be a pulling sensation and then that'll go away."

Ali nodded along. "And the other part?"

"The emotional, the psychological part's worse. I mean, as athletes, we're conditioned to trust our bodies completely and then this happens and all that trust is gone. And the memory of that moment you knew you were really hurt... that'll stay with you for a long time." Ash contemplates, realizing she and Ali never really talked about her injuries.

"And when did that end for you?"

"I guess the biggest step for me was actually being out on the pitch again and making that first save after the injury, realizing I could still do what I love. Even if the doctors weren't sure I'd be able to at first. Still, you know, I remember that so vividly. And to this day, if something happens to one of my knees, my mind immediately jumps to that worst-case scenario and it all comes flooding back for a moment. That's when I have to remind myself that it's just the memory of the pain talking and there's more than likely nothing wrong. I'll get it checked out and each time I hurt my knee without it being a serious injury, a small part of my confidence comes back. And then I hit the gym and do my best to make sure there's never gonna be a serious injury again."

Ash was surprised when she saw Ali's lips curve into a soft smile. "Wow, that's... pretty amazing, Ash."

The goalkeeper was beaming at the thought of still being able to make Ali smile, even though there was hardly anything to smile about for her at this moment. "You think so? Just wait and see how amazing you're gonna be." Realizing it sounded slightly insulting, she quickly added, "I mean, not that you're not amazing already." She buried her face in her hands, full-well knowing she'd only made things worse and that Ali would most definitely call her out on it.

Instead, she was surprised when Ali leaned back against her pillow and asked: "I'm amazing?"

Not wanting to repeat herself or press the matter further, Ash just said, "Yup."

"So... my ex-girlfriend just called me amazing?"

Ash cringed at the term 'ex-girlfriend' and rolled her eyes at Ali, but ultimately chose to play along. "I guess she did... I mean, maybe she's your ex, but she's certainly neither blind nor dumb."

"Ash, you ARE blind!" Ali cackled, pointing at the glasses the blonde was wearing.

She clasped her hands together in fake exasperation. "Colorblind and nearsighted, thank you very much!"

"Ohh, I missed this." Ali said when their laughter had finally faded.

"Yeah, me too." Ash confessed, not bothering anymore to act like she didn't know what Ali was talking about.

Before they could continue their conversation, there was a knock on the door and Deb and Ken stuck their heads through the door. "Can we come in?" Ali's mom asked. "There's something we gotta talk about."


	4. Chapter 4

Ali looked at her parents with a puzzled expression. "What is it?"

Deb and Ken looked at each other and Ken motioned for his ex-wife to start the conversation.

"Well... as you know, Mike and I are going to Hawaii next week, so I have to get back to Miami and pack. If you're really having the surgery next week in Virginia, I'll make sure I'll be there and then fly to Honolulu from Dulles."

"Thanks mom, but... you don't have to do that, I mean... Dad's gonna be there." She stole a glance at Ash, who was still focused on the older Kriegers.

Ken cleared his throat. "I will be there, Alex, you know that. And you'll stay with us while you're recovering from surgery. But... and I'm afraid there's no way around this, sweetie... I'm not gonna be around as much as I want to be, with the pre season training starting and everything."

Ali smiled. "Look, dad, I'm a big girl, and I'm gonna see you around, so it's all good."

Ashlyn meanwhile kept exchanging looks with Deb, who was clearly not buying her daughter's "all is well" attitude in this moment.

The goalkeeper took a second to compose herself and stood up, looking at Ken. "Umm, I don't want to impose or anything, but... I'm kind of unemployed right now."

She paused. "And if you have a couch or an air mattress I could crash on and would be willing to host another person at your house..."

Focusing on Ali, she continued. "And most importantly, if you would want me to... help you get around..."

Ali's eyes had grown wider with each word that had come out of Ashlyn's mouth. Being so focused on each other, they completely missed the bemused grins of Ken and Deb that were the result of the conversation the two had shared just outside of Ali's room.

_"So, you really think Ashlyn can get her to talk? Cause it doesn't sound like it." Ken had commented on the paper-thin doors at the hospital._

_"Just give her time, Ken. They probably have to go through the same awkward phase that you and I had the first time after we split up."_

_Ken had shrugged. "It wasn't awkward. We saw each other all the time."_

_"Yeah, with family. But remember the first time it was just the two of us. It took you almost an hour to come up with 'how are you'."_

_Ken had sighed. "Let's hope she doesn't get this from me."_

_Hearing voices from inside the room, Ken had almost been inclined to press his ear against the door, if his ex-wife hadn't shot him a "Don't" look._

_"Just in case... I mean, if Alex wants her there, could Ash stay with you? I think it could be good for both of them."_

_He'd raised an eyebrow. "Deb... Are you trying to play Cupid here?"_

_Deb had just laughed. "As if they need that. You were the one who sent me the pictures of the two of them talking with the Swedish girl Alex played with in Frankfurt. They're coming around, they just need a real chance to overcome their stubbornness and remember what they had in each other."_

_"What makes you so sure they even want this?"_

_"Oh Ken... Ash was already in Vancouver when I called her. Now, why would she be here without anybody even telling her which hospital we were at? She literally packed a bag and took the first flight she could get. The poor girl is so in love with Alex and probably doesn't even realize it herself right now. And if Alex doesn't want her here, she'll say something. It's worth a try, right?"_

_Too tired and confused to disagree with her, he'd nodded. "Okay, sure, I mean, Liz and I aren't gonna be around much anyway, couldn't hurt to have somebody else looking after Alex."_

_And when they'd heard the sound of Ali's laughter, Deb had winked at her ex-husband and quickly knocked before stepping inside._

Ali still sat on her bed, wide-eyed expression on her face. "Uhhh... Ash... Why?" was all she managed to get out through her surprise.

Ashlyn shrugged. "Cause you'd do the same for me."

Ali looked at her father, half searching for help, half little girl who wants her daddy to buy her a pony. "Umm, dad?"

"If she wants to, Ashlyn is welcome to stay with us."

Ash gave the Kriegers a quick smile, nodded and said, "Great, so it's settled. When are we off to Virginia?"


	5. Chapter 5

Five days later - the Kriegers had been at home for several days - Ashlyn was scheduled to arrive and Ali was just about as giddy as a little kid on Christmas Eve. She actually jumped up when the doorbell rang before remembering she couldn't actually run to the door and sinking back onto the couch.

She heard Ashlyn and her father exchange "Hi"s and "How are you"s before the blonde suddenly stood in front of her, grinning from ear to ear. "Hey you."

"Hey yourself." Ali said and patted the spot next to her on the couch.

"Uh uh, no way, you gotta give me a hug." Ash teased, stepping closer to Ali, making a "come on, get up" gesture and lifting her into her arms. "So, how are you doing?" she asked, gently sitting Ali back down and plopping down next to her.

"Well... it doesn't hurt as bad anymore. But you said that was only until the surgery, so I'm not too excited about that. But besides that, I guess it's okay."

Ash nodded. "That's really good, Alex, I'm glad."

Looking and pointing at her rather large suitcase standing in the hallway, Ash asked, "Can we just put that thing somewhere? I mean, wherever I'm gonna stay." She eyed the brunette curiously.

"My dad and I talked and we thought it would be best if you slept on the air mattress in my room."

Ash raised an eyebrow, amused. "Your dad and you made that decision? Together?"

"Yeah. I mean... He and Liz are gonna waltz through here every morning and I know you need your beauty sleep."

The goalkeeper laughed. " _I_ need my beauty sleep? Says the woman whose nickname should actually be 'grumbles' when she has to get up early?"

Ali stuck her tongue out at Ashlyn. They were falling back into their playful banter. Fast. And so far, it wasn't bothering either one of them in the slightest. They actually enjoyed it so much they continued it over lunch. And dinner. And in the bathroom while they were getting ready for bed.

With Ali not being able to do much else, they'd spent the entire day talking and watching movies. It was almost like it used to be, except for the fact they didn't touch each other and jumped apart if it happened by accident.

About an hour after they'd turned off the lights, Ali was still tossing and turning. Ash had almost fallen asleep when she heard Ali whisper, "Ash?"

Ash sat up and looked over at the bed, seeing Ali's silhouette in the soft moonlight. "Yeah? Something wrong?"

"I... ugh... I'm cold and I just can't seem to find any position that's comfortable enough to sleep in." Ali whined.

"You know, there's something I could do about the 'cold' thing." Ash remembered how they'd actually cuddled for the first time when Ali had been the only one freezing during movie night in Cancun.

"ASHLYN MICHELLE HARRIS!"

Realizing what she'd said could easily be misunderstood, Ashlyn protested. "Not like that, get your mind out of the gutter, Krieger! I... meant we could... y'know, just share your blanket for a while. I'll warm you up and then I'll go back to my mattress."

Ali thought about it for a moment and decided that sleep was far more important right now than keeping Ash at arm's length. She rolled over to make room for her and said, "Alright, jump in."

Both felt the awkwardness of the situation as soon as they realized they were lying in the same bed together for the first time since they'd broken up.

Not giving in to her feelings, Ash was the first to speak, but struggled to find the right words. Or any words, for that matter. All she got out was, "So... how... I mean..."

Ali chuckled nervously. "Shouldn't be too hard, right? I mean... we've done this before. "

"Uh, right, yeah, absolutely." _Except usually when we did this, at least one of us ended up naked,_ her mind added as she scooted closer to Ali, knowing how much a knee brace complicated even simple motions.

Ali tentatively put her arms around Ash and tried to ignore the butterflies in her stomach she got from just barely touching her, but failed at the task when she felt Ash's hands on her back.

"Ash?"

"Yeah?" she asked absent-mindedly.

"You're drawing lazy circles on my back." Ali stated, barely able to hide the smile she had on her lips.

Immediately, Ash's hands froze in place as she mumbled an apology. "Sorry... Force of habit, I guess."

"I didn't say you should stop." Ali shrugged as best as she could lying on her side and Ash's hands resumed their motions.

A few hours later, Ash's sleep was once again interrupted, this time by Ali whimpering in her sleep and wriggling in her arms.

"Alex." she whispered and shook her softly. "Alex, wake up."

Ali jolted up and looked around, not completely aware of her surroundings just yet. "HUH-WH-?"

Having been around for plenty of Ali's nightmares, Ash knew exactly what to do. "Shhh, it's okay, Alex. Whatever it was... It was just a dream."

Ali sunk back into the blonde's arms, burying her head into her chest now. "I... it was... I was on the field and I was injured and I was alone and nobody came to check on me and nobody cared that I was lying there and..."

Ash remembered her own thoughts from the night at the bar when she'd seen Ali being carried off the field. It was almost like her mind had tried to prepare her for this moment. As if she'd known exactly what Ali was feeling. "Shhh, Alex... I know... But it's okay. People were there. Boxxy was there. Tobin was there when you were in the locker room. And KO and Pinoe were there when you came out of the locker room. And then your parents were there and I... I'm still right here. And I will be for as long as you want me to."

Ali had calmed down a little at the sound of Ashlyn's soothing voice, but was still sniffling a little against the keeper's chest when she pulled her closer. "Ash... can you maybe... not go back to the air mattress tonight?"

"Like I said, Alex... I'll stay right here, don't worry." She kissed Ali's forehead softly and within minutes, they were both sound asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Ashlyn had fallen asleep with Ali, but hadn't managed to stay asleep for more than an hour at a time, waking up every time Ali stirred even slightly. She'd kissed her forehead each time, stroked her hair and stayed awake until she'd made sure Ali wasn't waking up.

The next morning came far too quickly and the two were still fast asleep, with Ali's back against Ashlyn's front and the goalkeeper's arm draped over Ali's side, their hands interlocked in front of her chest, when the first sunbeams shining through the window made Ali turn around and bury her head into Ashlyn's chest again.

Ash grumbled at the movement in her arms, but quickly realized it was Ali. Ali, who had slept in her arms all night. For a moment, she wondered if Ali was going to be mad about her breaking the "back to the air mattress" agreement, but then remembered their conversation after Ali's nightmare and relaxed.

She let her hand roam on Ali's back, trying to wake her up as carefully as possible. Ali responded by pulling Ashlyn closer and mumbling a barely audible "G'morning".

Ash smiled. "Morning, P-" she swallowed the rest of the nickname that had almost slipped out. "Alex." she corrected herself.

Ali yawned. "Whattimesit?"

Ashlyn rolled over and tapped on her phone. "6:59 a.m. Woke up just before the alarm went off."

Ali inhaled deeply, immediately sitting up, confusing Ash in the process. "What is it, Alex?"

"Pancakes. Coffee." Ali just said, trying to roll out of bed, but her knee instantly reminding her it was a bad idea. She winced at the shooting pain.

The blonde immediately rushed over to her side of the bed, helping her get up. "Shit, Alex, you're not supposed to do that."

Ali's head dropped and she groaned in frustration. "Ugh, I know. It just... sucks. I just want my leg to work the way it's supposed to."

Helping her get to her crutches, Ash said, "I know. And it will, before you know it, I promise."

They made their way downstairs and were greeted by Ken, who was sitting at the table, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. Ali immediately saw the stack of pancakes and the maple syrup next to it.

"Good morning, sweetie. Did you sleep well?" Ken had trouble biting back a grin.

Unbeknownst to either of the girls, he had gone up to Ali's room at 6:30, intending to ask his daughter what she wanted for breakfast. He'd nearly panicked at the sight of the empty air mattress on the floor, but a huge smile had crept across his face as soon as he'd seen his daughter wrapped up in her ex-girlfriend's arms. He'd shaken his head, realizing Debbie was probably going to be right yet again. He'd quietly left the room, but not without marveling at how protective of Ali Ash looked, even while they were sleeping.

"Yeah, slept really well. I mean, I did have one nightmare, but Ash was there to pull me back into reality, so..." Ali glanced over at Ashlyn, who tried to shush her with her look. If there was one thing she knew, it was that dads usually didn't take too kindly to her sleeping with their daughters. Even if it had been completely innocent this time around.

"But nothing happened! I mean, we slept in the same bed, but it was just cause Ali couldn't sleep!" Ash blurted out, realizing she had answered her own thoughts rather than participating in the conversation and turning bright red.

Ken couldn't keep it in any longer. He burst out laughing, leaving the two women to look at each other in utter confusion.

"Ashlyn..." he started, his voice slightly hoarse from the laughter. "I really appreciate the honesty, but you're grown-ups. Besides, you know... I saw you."

They both stared at Ali's father in complete shock.

Ken continued. "I wanted to ask what you wanted for breakfast, so I went up there and I saw the empty mattress and then I saw you lying in bed together, all snuggled up together, holding hands..."

Both shook their heads in disbelief. "Hold- what? Why? Ash..." Ali looked over at the goalkeeper accusingly, only half joking. She didn't want to send any signals that could be misinterpreted. She didn’t want to hurt Ash, intentionally or unintentionally. Not again anyway. 

"What? I didn't initiate it!" she defended herself.

Ali narrowed her eyes, but fought the smile that was forming on her lips at Ashlyn's 'innocent puppy' look. "How do you know?"

"You... were stirring and turned away from me, but you grabbed my hand and interlocked our fingers. And then I just waited for you to fall back asleep." Ashlyn explained, shrugging.

Ali's jaw dropped. She couldn't believe how lucky she was to have Ashlyn there with her. She couldn't understand how she'd gotten so lucky. But most of all, she couldn't understand why she had let her get away. Why she had chosen her career, her career in Germany, to be exact, over this amazing woman who had literally dropped everything to fly to Vancouver and who was now going to be there for her during some of the hardest days of her life.

Overwhelmed by gratitude, she leaned over to Ashlyn and hugged her tightly, whispering a 'thank you' in her ear.

Ken smiled at Ash, daring to interrupt the moment. "Sooo... does anybody want any pancakes?"


	7. Chapter 7

After an exhausting day of doctor's appointments and some shopping to make up for it, Ali and Ash were both exhausted - Ali from all the tests the doctors had done on her knee and Ash from carting her around the mall in a wheelchair.

While Ali was brushing her teeth, Ash plopped down onto the bed.

"Oh... hey, I..." Ali stuttered when she got out of the bathroom and spotted the goalkeeper fluffing up both pillows and blankets, turning around when she noticed Ali's presence.

"What?"

Ali shook her head quickly and hobbled to the side of bed, dropping her crutches. "I just thought... Never mind."

"What?" then it dawned on her. "Oh, you... you want me to sleep on the mattress. I... sorry, it was stupid to assume that..."

"No, it's fine. It was stupid of me. I mean... You were there for me last night and I can't just... send you back to the floor, that would be pretty damn ungrateful." Ali was looking down at her hands and fidgeting now, her nervous habit.

Ashlyn stood up and started moving her pillow and blanket to the mattress on the floor, disappointed in herself for believing the events of the prior night might have meant something to Ali. "No, stop. I don't want you to feel obligated to do anything. I'm just here to help, nothing else. And besides, maybe it's not so bad for your leg if you've got more room in bed."

"I... Look..." Ali tried to protest, but once again, Ash's mind was made up.

She laid down on the air mattress and turned her head away from the bed. "Goodnight, Ali."

Ali cringed. Ash only called her "Ali" when she was utterly pissed . She was happy to have Ashlyn there and was slowly starting to doubt her decision to choose Germany over their relationship, but she also didn't trust herself right now. She wasn't completely sure whether it was the feelings she still harbored for the blonde or if she was just getting everything mixed up with her gratefulness. She pulled the blanket closer to her face, desperately trying to feel the same kind of comfort she'd felt the night before, but failed miserably and fell into a restless sleep.

Later that night, Ashlyn woke to a thump and the weight of someone on the very small, one-person air mattress and turned over.

"Alex?" she asked, her voice raspy and her mind unable to make the distinction between 'Alex' and 'Ali'. "What...?"

"I couldn't sleep." Ali admitted sheepishly. "Without you..."

"So you rolled over with your bum leg and decided to just fall out of your bed and onto mine?" she was trying hard to hide her amusement.

"Yeah..." the brunette answered quietly.

"How'd you sleep before I got here?" The question was meant as a joke, but Ashlyn realized she'd hit a nerve when she heard Ali's shaky voice answer.

"Didn't."

"Alex... what's wrong?" Ashlyn asked, suddenly concerned for her ex-girlfriend.

"I... I fucked up." That was the only thing Ash could make out before Ali fell apart in her arms, sobbing and mumbling incoherent thoughts.

"Shhh, Alex... How? I mean, how do you think you fucked up?"

"I..." Ali started, trying to even out her breathing again before going on. "Everything. Last night... last year... Us. I fucked it all up. I threw you out of the bed last night and I basically threw you out of my life last year and I just... It's all my fault."

Ashlyn let out a deep breath, but let Ali continue.

"I chose soccer over you and now, I might not even be able to play soccer anymore and it's just so fitting that I made that horrible decision and now I'm being punished for it. This injury... It's karma. It's just karma telling me how stupid and selfish I was and I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry for everything, Ash." She sobbed, clinging to Ashlyn's shirt. "And I just... I don't understand why you... why you're here. After I was such a jerk to you, you're still here. Just... Why?"

Ashlyn pulled her even closer than they already were, their faces almost touching. She inhaled sharply, knowing what she was about to say had the ability to either make or break their future relationship.

"Because I love you."

It took Ali a moment to process the words. The words neither of them had dared to say when they'd been dating, afraid it would things.

"You... what? When? Why?"

Ashlyn furrowed her brows at the string of questions, but smiled when she realized she could finally be honest. "What? I love you. When? It just happened at some point when we were dating. And why? Because you're you, Alex. You're... You're beautiful, you're smart, strong... one of the most passionate people I've ever met. You never fail to make me smile, even when I'm feeling really down. And all it takes for me to smile is just you entering my mind. You're incredible. Like, literally. Some mornings I wake up and I can't believe you're a part of my life. Trust me, never once when I was a lonely kid did I ever dare to dream that someone like you would even talk to me, much less like me and I..."

"I love you too." Ali blurted out, before panic set in and she started rambling. "And I've known for a long time and I just... I couldn't say it because I couldn't accept actually being in love with a woman, but now I can and I swear I've felt that way probably since the day we met and I know what you think, but I'm not just saying it because I'm tired and..."

It was Ashlyn's turn to interrupt Ali. "Alex?"

"Huh?"

Ashlyn flashed her a dimpled grin. "Shut up."

Ali's nervousness was taking over - had she said too much? "Why?" she asked for the seemingly hundredth time tonight.

"So I can do this." With that, she took Ali's face in her hands and kissed her with everything she had - every feeling she'd ever kept from her, everything she had ever felt toward her. She tensed up when it hit her how vulnerable she was making herself right now, but relaxed when she felt Ali lean into the kiss and move her hand to the back of her head, grabbing fistfuls of blonde hair.

When their lips finally parted after several minutes, they were both gasping for air, but smiling at each other.

Ali buried her head into the crook of Ashlyn's neck and mumbled into her ear. "Ash... I just want you to know... I just didn't wanna share the bed because... y'know..."

Ashlyn laughed softly at the confession, knowing exactly what the defender was talking about. "Thought something like this might happen and it might confuse the heck outta both of us?"

"Yeah... and that it might complicate things or make them weird."

Ashlyn nodded. "Well... what do you say, we figure it out together? Whatever this is right now..."

Ali's entire face lit up. "I'd say you got yourself a deal, Harris."

"Then what do you say, you get back into your bed and try to get some rest? You'll need it tomorrow." Ashlyn suggested.

"With you?" Ali asked anxiously.

"Of course _with me_ , Princess."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, yeah, it's been a reaaaaaaally long time, but I was finally in the mood to write again and this is the result. I hope you enjoy it. :)

The next morning, Ali woke up, confused by the 5'9" puppy in her bed whose left arm and leg were draped over her. She smiled softly, remembering the kiss and... _Oh God, I said it. WE said it._

She tried to turn her head to look at Ashlyn, but accidentally headbutted her awake instead.

"Ow! What the-?" Ashlyn cursed, rubbing her fingers over the spot on her forehead that Ali had just bumped into.

"Sorry! I'm so sorry, I just..." Ali stuttered.

Upon opening her eyes and seeing Ali in front of her, Ashlyn's facial expression softened and turned into a bright smile. "Not exactly my favorite way to wake up, but certainly my favorite person to wake up to."

Ali laughed. "You're one hell of a smooth talker for someone who just got headbutted awake."

Instead of answering, Ash just leaned in and kissed her softly, which earned her a soft humming noise from Ali. She pulled back, raised an eyebrow and imitated the noise. "Mmmm?"

"It's just... I could get used to this. Again." She sighed.

"I know, me too. Let's just... take it slow. We did everything at once last time and then it turned out that we skipped some steps. Important steps. And I don't wanna make the same mistake twice. We gotta do it right this time. Talk to each other about everything, about what we want or don't want, about what our plans are."

Ali nodded. "Well, for today, my plans are pretty much made, but maybe you wanna join me?"

Ashlyn thought for second before realization hit her and she jumped up and out of bed, pacing and looking at Ali.

"Oh my God, your surgery's today!" With the events of the night before, she had almost forgotten. "There's so much left to do. We gotta ACL-proof this place!" she rambled.

"Ashlyn... Ash. Calm down. What are you talking about?"

"Well, the knee brace you get after surgery is gonna keep your knee in full extension for at least a week, so some things are gonna be near impossible." She looked at her watch. "I gotta get started." And with this, she rushed out of the room, ignoring Ali's whiny pleas for her to come back to bed.

About 15 minutes later, Ali hobbled into the living room on crutches, while Ashlyn was running through the Krieger house like a headless chicken and starting to rearrange furniture.

Ali rubbed her eyes tiredly. "Ash, what are you doing?"

"Well, you're gonna want something to rest your leg on while watching TV, so this..." she started, picking up the ottoman she'd found in the corner and setting it down in front of the couch, "...goes here now."

Ali was trying hard to bite back a grin and was shaking her head at her overly enthusiastic... well, what was she? Technically, still her ex-girlfriend, sure, but what did last night mean? What was she supposed to call Ashlyn now?

Just then, Ken walked in, interrupting Ali's incoherent thoughts.

"Uhhh... what's going on here?" he asked when he saw Ashlyn essentially redecorating his living room.

Ali shot him a look and explained, "Ashlyn's _ACL-proofing_ your place." The emphasis on ACL-proofing let Ken know he'd better not second-guess his daughter's partner in crime, so he rolled up his sleeves instead and asked if he could help in any way.

Once every tripping hazard had been taken care of and every place Ali might sit had been cushioned and padded, Ashlyn went up to Ali's room to get her bag ready for the hospital, while Ken was making lunch, knowing how much his daughter hated hospital food.

Standing in Ali's room all by herself, Ashlyn's emotions finally got the best of her and she sat on the edge of the bed, burying her face in her hands and crying. She had done her best to be strong for Ali, but she knew how quickly her career could be over. One slip of the scalpel, a screw a fraction of an inch off its ideal position, one small infection... Everything depended on the surgery. Ali's entire life depended on the surgery. Unlike her own, Ali's life had always been about soccer, _"from the moment she'd taken her first steps"_ , as Debbie liked to say. No surfing, no alcohol, no distractions of any kind. Ali had wanted to be a professional soccer player, so she'd gone ahead and become just that. It shattered Ashlyn's heart into pieces, the thought of Ali not being able to play professionally anymore. What would it be like? How much of an impact would it have on their relationship? If she couldn't play anymore, Ali surely didn't want to be in the stands anymore, watching her girlfriend do what she couldn't.

Ashlyn realized she'd been away from Ali for quite a while by now, so she packed Ali's stuff into the national team issue duffel bag and gave her makeup a quick fix before heading downstairs and joining the Kriegers at the table.

It didn't take more than one short glance for Ali to notice that Ashlyn had been crying, but she decided to put off asking her about it.  

 

Several hours later, Ken, Deb and Ashlyn were all gathered around Ali, who was sitting up in her hospital bed, having just taken her "happy pill", as she called it, the premedication for her surgery, a wonderful mixture of sedative and anti-anxiety drug.

"Look, mom, you really don't need to stay, you got a flight to Hawaii to catch." Ali insisted.

"My baby's having surgery and I scheduled my flight around that, so don't try to get rid of me, cause that's not gonna happen." Debbie said, squeezing her daughter's hand reassuringly until her phone buzzed and she quickly excused herself.

Ken cleared his throat. "Well, I... I'll give you two a minute while you're still... normal." he laughed, remembering his daughter's last surgery and the side-effects of the medication.

Ashlyn was still pacing around the bed after the door shut, so Ali patted the empty spot right next to her on the bed. "Sit with me?"

Ashlyn sighed deeply and sat down, but wasn't able to look at Ali.

"Ash, what is it?"

"Nothing."

"Okay, so... something." Ali corrected. There was always something bothering her when Ashlyn said _"Nothing."_

Ash's head dropped. "I just... I wish I could do more."

"More? Ash, you've already done so much. I don't know what I would've done without you this past week." When the goalkeeper still didn't say a word, she continued. "Ashlyn... we agreed we'd talk about stuff."

Finally, she got a reaction. "I just... I don't have any influence over what happens once you're in surgery and it's driving me nuts."

Ali shrugged. "Look, whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen."

Ashlyn shook her head. "But what if... I mean, what if something goes wrong? What if you can't play again?"

Ali seemed to think for a minute, then took the blonde's hand in hers and said, "Then I'll still have you... right?"

Ash's expression changed from surprised and happy to slightly offended and back within a split-second. "Of course you do! And don't ever think otherwise. Not even when you're in there, and you're under. Never ever think I won't be there for you, okay?" She stroked Ali's face softly and kissed her. "Cause I will be, no matter what."

Just as she'd finished her sentence, Debbie came in, holding up her phone. "That was Kyle. He was able to take some time off and he's getting on the next plane here, so..."

Ali started giggling and Ashlyn knew "serious time" was over. "SO DEBDEB'S GAYBIES ARE GONNA BE TOGETHER SOON!" Ali announced at the top of her lungs, dramatically throwing her arms in the air, making both her parents burst out laughing.

Ali decided to press the matter further. "By the way, isn't that kinda weird for you? Like, you got a son and a daughter, so you probably thought you'd have a son-in-law and a daughter-in-law someday, and that's probably still gonna happen, but A LOT different than what you thought it would be like. I mean, two gay kids? The odds of that happening gotta be astroNOMICAL! Also, did I tell you Ash and I kissed last night?"

Deb almost choked on her water from laughing so hard and Ken looked at his ex-wife, smiling and shaking his head at the fact she had been right about the pair all along.

"Yeah, aaaaalright, time for surgery, babe." Ashlyn commented and pushed the button for the nurse, not noticing the nickname slip out in her attempt to stop Ali from revealing more intimate details to her mother.

Ali, however drugged and currently discussing the actual odds of having two gay children with her mother, noticed it. "BABE? You know, only my girlfriend gets to call me that." She tried to wink seductively, but with the mild sedation setting in, it looked more like she was about to sneeze.

The nurses came in and started pushing the bed out of the room. Ashlyn, Ken and Deb walked alongside Ali's bed for another couple of steps and Ashlyn knew she didn't have much more time left. Being fully aware Ali probably wouldn't remember anything after surgery and they'd have a chance to have a serious conversation about their status at a later point, Ash flashed her a dimpled grin and said, "Well, in that case, I guess I'm your girlfriend."

Just before they reached the doors to the OR wing, Ali grinned from ear to ear and mumbled, "Like you could ever resist me, Harris."


End file.
